The Gift

The Gift

While in meditation this morning, I heard, “Write the story of the gift.”  This was the guidance I received for the day.  So, I wrote the story.

Sunday morning.  Our spiritual life center offers services every Sunday, now.  This morning, I was preparing for service.  My preparation consisted of thinking about the sermon or sacred message and making sure I had what was needed for the altar.  Also, I questioned if I had enough bulletins and newsletters, and wondered if folks were coming today.  Even though I was not giving the sermon today, as the senior minister the program is still my responsibility.  Feeling the pressure, hearing the mental chatter and beginning to mimic the antics of a jabbering fool, I decided I needed to go for a walk.

I left the house and walked one block down the street to the nature center.  To prepare my legs for walking, I stretched my legs, the hamstrings and the quadriceps muscles.  Several weeks ago, my massage therapist said my left quad and right hamstring muscles were tight.  Or maybe he said my right quad and my left hamstring muscles were tight.  Or was it… Oh, no, the mental chatter and jabbering came with me.  It was time to walk.

I walked along the trail behind the county pool that was closed for the season.  I thought that walking would quiet the mental chatter, but it did not.  I was having a conversation with Spirit about everything “the church, the spiritual community, the book, the school, the students, the need for a coach/mentor/therapist, and the pressures of being what I understood Spirit wants me to be.”  As I continued the mental chatter while walking, I came upon money on the trail.  There was a rolled up dollar bill right in the middle of my path.  I reached down, picked it up, placed it in my pocket and kept walking.

Now my mental chatter switched to questions of “where did the money come from, who lost it, and what was the meaning of finding i?”  But I could not here any reply because of the jabbering.  I kept walking.

In between the runaway train of thoughts, I noticed the birds and squirrels, people walking their dogs and two guys practicing capoeira on the tennis courts. By then, I had completed my first lap.

Somewhere during the second lap, either I realized that there was no point in the mental chattering or my left brain exhausted itself.  For whatever the reason, I was quiet.

Then the thought of finding the dollar bill on the path floated back into my mind.  I sensed that it was a gift.  I said thank you, just in case I didn’t say it earlier.  As I took the next step, I heard a voice that was neither masculine nor feminine; neither loud nor soft; and neither forceful nor gentle.  The voice was like, well, a presence. 

The essence of what I heard was, “I gave you a gift.  I gave you your gift.  I gave you the gift of you.  Give the gift of you to the world.  Be the best you in every moment.  This is all I ask of you.”

When the presence was complete, I felt a wave of energy, light, love, or something flow through my body.  Hearing truth has that effect on me.  After the energy surge, I felt at peace.

I continued walking.

On the third lap, I received a penny.  My gift total was now at $1.01.  I completed my third lap and headed home.  My walk was complete, but not my gift total.  Later that morning on my way to purchase ceremonial white roses, I received a dime.  This brought by gift total to $1.11.  I resisted the urge to derive any meaning, and just acknowledged the gift with a “thank you.”

Today, I learned, or was reminded that, it is not for me to be perfect, but to be the best me in the moment.  And that in itself is perfect.

I cannot wait for my next walk.

Copyright © 2011 Anthony L. Farmer All Rights Reserved

Conversations with the Elders ~ Many Flavors of Love

Many Flavors of Love

October 3, 2011

Today, while reflecting over the events of the weekend, I received the call to come to the Elders’ cabin.

I journeyed to the Elders’ cabin.  As I walk down the road, I look towards the cabin.  The Elder of Water is standing on the front porch.  She waves at me, and I reply with a wave and a smile.  I am always happy to be with the Elders at their cabin, whether I know the reason why or not.  Today, I know not.

I reach the front porch, where the Elder of Water greets me with open arms.  I step into her welcoming arms, and I am embraced.  I smile across my face and across my heart.  My heart knows when it is home.

As we release our embrace, the Elder of Water says, “Good to see you, young-old man.  Welcome.  Come in.  We have a surprise for you.” 

I smile; yet, behind my smile I am thinking, “Oh-oh, what kind of surprise?”

The Elder of Water laughs.  I know she heard me thinking.

She walks into the cabin, and I follow.  As soon as I cross the threshold, I look for someone or anything that could be the “surprise.”  I am still learning to be open to the blessings of the Elders without reservation or suspect.  I admit it is not a hard lesson, just a long lesson to learn.

I notice nothing different, nothing out of the ordinary or sense someone hiding in the closet, as I follow the Elder of Water.  The Elder of Water joins the other Elders at the table.  They motion for me to join them, and I sit in my chair.  I finally see one thing that is different.  There is a single white tall thin candle, lit, in the center of the table.  It’s flame is fiery yellow and orange.

The Elders have candles burning all the time, and sometimes the fireplace burning.  However, this candle is unique, not in size or shape or color or the color of the flame.  It is unique in the energy that radiates from the candle.  I sense, no I know, the surprise will come from the experience with the candle.

The Elders are joining hands, forming a ceremonial circle.  The Elder of Water, sitting to my left, offers her open hand to me.  The Elder of Fire, sitting to my right, offers her open hand to me.  I join my hands with theirs completing the circle.

I am drawn to the candle, in particular the flame.  I gaze into the fire, and sense a presence, radiant and brilliant.  I sense the radiant, brilliant presence outside the fire, and around the candle.  I feel it flowing through my body, entering one hand from the Elder of Fire and flowing out to the Elder of Water.  I sense it through out the room and the cabin, a gentle and yet intense presence. 

Again, I feel it in my body, in my chest, in my center.  I feel it dancing to the beat of my heartbeat.  It flows through my heart and around my heart.  Then, I hear the words “divine presence,” and I smile.

I look at the flame on the candle again.  I realize that it is beating to the rhythm of my heartbeat.  I feel my heart beating to the rhythm of the flame.  The rhythms are connected; the rhythms are one.  I notice that the Elders and I are swaying to the rhythm of the presence. Each of us are swaying, all of us are swaying together as one. 

I look into the eyes of the Elder of Earth.  I see a tear rolling down his face.  And I realize a tear flows from my eye as well.  We smile together.  Sometimes sharing an experience of love needs no words.

We continue swaying together for hours or maybe just minutes.  It really doesn’t matter.  In ceremony, everything is for the richness of the experience.

The Elder of Fire and the Elder of Water gentle squeeze my hand.  This signals the completion of the ceremony.  However, I received another signal that we are complete. My stomach is growling.  The ceremony is finished; it is now time for the post-ceremonial feast.

The Elder of Air looks at me, “What did you prepare for us?”

I look back at the Elder of Air, and with open arms and a smirk I say, “Surprise, I have no-thing.”

We all laughed.  The Elder of Fire, carrying dishes of food from the kitchen, responds, “It this best dish you could have prepared.” 

The Elders continue laughing at her comment.  I laugh in anticipation of her tasting her wonderful foods.  I smile again for a different reason, or maybe not.  Love shows itself in many ways.

Copyright © 2011 Anthony L. Farmer All Rights Reserved
Conversations with the Elders is a weekly “e-newsletter" that shares my experiences and conversations with the Elders, as I call them.  We meet on the front porch of a log cabin high in the mountains.  They share their wisdoms, life experiences, perspectives, stories, and love.  I listen, learn and share.

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"...listening to our elders is one of the most important things we can do. I've learned a lot and have had good teachers. You always learn a lot from your elders - its important to sit and listen to them."

 Herman “TJ” Laffoon

Reverend Anthony Farmer

www.revanthonyfarmer.com