I Surrender: Reflections from My Sabbatical
For several days, I listened to the music of the dueling banjos in my mind. One banjo played the song, “Buy the new laptop computer. You know you want it. You know you need it.” The other banjo played the song, “You’ve said you needed a break. Spend the money on the mini-sabbatical.” The songs were on constant rotation in my mind for several days and nights.
I decided that it was time to stop listening to the dueling banjos, and listen for guidance. I chose to sit in meditation and listen. After a few minutes of sacred silence, the only song I heard was, “Mini-sabbatical. It is what your body, your spirit, your heart and you want and need.”
After the sacred silence, I called Sandy-Cove Ministry to inquire about availability for the September 11-13, Mini-Sabbatical for Ministers. The receptionist said, “Yes, we have room. Do you want to pay for that now?” The universe was ready for me to say, “Yes!”
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The first day of the mini-sabbatical was also the 10th anniversary of “9-11,” the terrorist attack on the United States. That morning, I posted a prayer on several social networking websites including Facebook. The prayer was a call, “for a peace that reaches beyond that of the world, a call for the peace that resides deep in the hearts and souls of all, and a call for that peace to be an inspiration and guide for us today, and all days.”
When I posted on the Earth Son Spirit website, I came upon one of my recent posts, “thunderstorms during our August service, an earthquake (two days later), hurricane Irene, and then rains from hurricane Lee.” A friend responded, “There’s a message in there somewhere.”
My fingers couldn’t type fast enough as I immediately wrote, “…thunderstorm, a call to being; earthquake, shaking up the foundation (earth) and institutions; hurricane Irene, the wind and water to cleanse; the rains of Lee, deeper cleansing…in preparation for the fire of creation.” I did not fully understand what I wrote, but I knew clarity would come to me soon.
My intention for the mini-sabbatical was to receive spiritual guidance and inspiration, as well as to have a short break from my life. For guidance and inspiration, I often perform a ritual of drawing a card from one or more oracle decks. Today, I used the Path of Destiny oracle cards. The ritual began with, “Mother ~ Father God, I am ready to receive guidance from you today.” The card I selected, or the one that chose me, was the “creation” card, the first card of this deck. The message of the “creation” card included, “you are a creator. Now is the time to get clear about what you desire in your life. The universal energies are working with you to bring your desires to fruition.” My intention for this mini-sabbatical also was to receive clarity.
I arrived at the Sandy Point Christian Retreat Center early that evening. After checking in and unpacking (which truthfully meant opening my bags and laying everything on one of the beds), I decided to familiarize myself with the retreat center facilities. Sandy Cove’s located just south of North East, Maryland along the banks of the North East River. I walked along the river to a picnic table at the northernmost point of the facilities. While sitting at the table, a male Mallard Duck joined me; he came as close as was comfortable for both of us. Together we were mesmerized by the setting sun and its reflection on the river. A stately tree stood witness as I quietly shifted into a state of “being on sabbatical, allowing myself to relax, and connecting to the essence of this place.”
As the sun gentled faded beneath the horizon, I decided to visit the chapel at the retreat center. The visitor’s brochure stated that it was available 24 hours a day. It was a small white chapel built in 1948, probably one of the original structures. I walked into the open space of the sanctuary, heading towards one of the chairs at the front platform.
I sat down to be quiet and still. I heard, “This is sacred ground.” I immediately removed my shoes. I was then guided to close my eyes, knowing it was for meditation and something more.
While in meditation, I was told to stand up, turn around and open my eyes. I followed the instructions, turned and stood presence to presence with a huge white Eagle. He was in the middle of the space, with wings spread wide. I knew to extend my arms, emulating the Eagle’s spread wings. The Eagle spoke, “You are me, I am you.” He continued, “Spread your wings further. Open your eyes; and now your third eye. Open the eye I planted in your heart. I gave you this eye so you can see the world through your heart. From this day forth, keep it open. Spirit Eagle.”
I noticed the voice of the Eagle sounded masculine. I asked, “Why is your voice masculine?”
The Eagle replied in feminine voice, “The sound does not matter, the presence is the key.” I rationalized that it’s voice was masculine to get my attention, which it did.
The last words I heard after the meditation and before leaving the chapel were, “We have much to write.”
Back in my room, I wrote about the day’s experiences. The entire time I am writing, I kept hearing the lyrics, “I am calling you higher. There is more that I require of thee.” Do I know the song? “Yes.”
Monday, September 12, 2011
In that place between being awake and still asleep, I saw a praying mantis, an old friend, on the night stand. I know the Creator communicates with us all of the time, and in many different ways. Being a nature mystic, I often receive guidance and insights from the Universe through nature. This morning the message through the praying mantis was, “to remember the power of stillness.”
I decided to take a stroll to the river before breakfast. Last night we had a thunderstorm; however, this morning the waters were very calm. I sat near the river to connect to its gentle flow. I heard, “You are the ocean. You are not the river. You are the ocean. You are deep and vast, and multi-layered. Embrace you. You are the ocean, you are not a river and yet you have many rivers flowing through you. You must be the ocean, great, expansive, deep…you will see…get ready.” I received the message, and went to breakfast. Being open, quiet and still, and learning that I am the ocean, increased my appetite.
After breakfast, I thought a hike in the woods would be nice. Elk Neck State Park and Elk Neck State Forest were nearby; however, I chose the State Park. As I drove around looking for the park, I saw signs for the lighthouse, and made the lighthouse my new destination. The journey to the lighthouse was a drive to the southern tip of the Elk Neck peninsula. I parked, and then hiked about a mile along the trail through the woods, across an open field and into the woods again.
The trail led to Turkey Point. From Turkey Point, I could see the waters converging to form the Chesapeake Bay. I thought, “I am standing on the point where the light lets you know you are at the mouth of the bay; the guiding light at the beginning.”
I walked around the lighthouse and surrounding area, breathing in the scenery. A split tree stood about a hundred feet west of the lighthouse. I call it a split tree because just as the trunk emerged from the ground it split into two trunks, like twin trunks. The twin trunks tree, my new name for it, called out to me. I walked over to the twin trunks tree and touched the right trunk. There was a granddaddy long leg spider on the left trunk. I smiled, knowing it was Grandfather; one of my spirit guides and companions. The twin trunks tree now represented Grandfather and I; twin trunks.
I left the twin trunks tree to sit on one of the benches near the lighthouse. Just as I reached the bench, a large dark bird flew overhead. I thought, “Its wingspan is huge. But it is not a heron; I don’t see the long legs. It does not have the feather pattern of an osprey. It was too large to be a crow; and its head was too large to be a vulture. As I wrote this in my journal, I heard “Black Eagle.” I just made a note.
Grandfather joined me and said, “Sometimes you have to travel back to the source, the beginning, the light, to find your way, your new way. And when you get to the light, sit in the sacred silence, sit, be still and be.”
Grandfather turned to me and said, “My son, it is now time to not just be the light within the comforts of you. It is time to be the light in the world, guiding them to their light.”
Walking back from the lighthouse, I stopped to talk with two birdwatchers. Together, we saw several species of hawk. I told the elder gentleman about the large dark feathered bird. He remarked, “That sounds like a juvenile Bald Eagle. We have many of those around here. The juvenile Bald Eagle does not have the characteristic white head.” I smiled; the elder just affirmed what I heard as I wrote in my journal.
As you drive into the Sandy Cove retreat facility, there is a sign that reads, “Hope you pause long enough to hear God.” In that very moment, a dove flew across the road just a few feet in front of the car. I heard, “Peace in the heart of the Divine Mother.”
For this mini-sabbatical, one of my intentions was to receive clarity of my ministry. Our spiritual community, Visions of the Heart Spiritual Life Center, was expanding to having services every Sunday. I wanted to be as clear as I needed to be, prior to the shift. The theme for the mini-sabbatical was “I surrender.” My prayer was not for Spirit to help me surrender; but, for Spirit to support me in embracing my ministry without reservations.
After lunch, I received the following clarity of my ministry, “Your ministry is to guide them to the light, to guide them to the Truth, to guide them to wholeness, to guide them to peace and to guide them to love, all of which resides in their hearts. In the heart of the heart is an eye, by which we see God and by which God sees us. When the eye is clear, pure, open…we realize our full connection to God. Keep the eye of your heart clear, pure and open.” I was reminded of a quote from Black Elk, an Oglala Lakota Holy Man, about the eye in the heart is where God connects to us, and where we connect to God.
There were still a few hours before dinner. I decided to sit beneath a tree overlooking the river, and beat my hoop drum. Beating the drum was a way of cleansing and preparing for meditation, as well as a tool for guidance into meditation. I sensed Grandfather would join me beneath the tree for this drumming meditation.
I asked Grandfather, “Is there more you wish to share or that Spirit wishes to share through you? Is there more I am to receive?”
Grandfather looked out over the river. We watched the people enjoy parasailing and sail boating. We were soothed by the gentle waves across the water, and caressed from the gentle September afternoon breeze.
I realized that in this moment and all throughout the mini-sabbatical, I heard Grandfather through my right ear. I heard Spirit through my left ear.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths, but by the moments that take your breath away.” I remembered the quotation. This moment was one of those moments; sitting beneath the tree by the river beating my drum with Grandfather, hearing the beating wings of Canadian Geese flying over and listening to Spirit. In my left hear I heard, “Peace. Enjoy.” In my right ear, I heard Grandfather breathe a breath of contentment or a breath of agreement.
I thought, “Life. Beauty. A happy moment. The essence of living is having a happy moment.” Grandfather sighed in agreement again.
“Your color is blue,” the guidance continued. “It [their heart] is where they will rediscover themselves. You know this, now be it BlackEagle. Build the church and let the church build you; one heart at a time.”
Grandfather remarked, “You do not seem overwhelmed by this.”
I replied, “No, not in this moment. It is, and I am.”
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I was awakened by a knock or two on the door, hard knocks. I looked at the clock and it read, 4:19. I got up and turned on all the lights. Finally realizing that nobody knocked on the door, I concluded that the Universe was calling. I acknowledged the call, responded “Yes,” and went back to bed.
During breakfast and while talking with others at my table, I heard in a gentle whisper, “the Gospel of John.” I knew it was in reference to the knock at the door and the time on the clock. I would read it later.
After breakfast, I was ready to leave. It was time. I passed the sign on the retreat facility road leading to the highway. It read, “Hope you paused long enough to hear God.”
I smiled, “Yes, I heard God. From the time I arrived until now, Spirit spoke and I listened. It was one long, continuous conversation; and a blessing.”
